Who vs. Whom: Guide to Getting Your Pronouns Right

The debate over “who” versus “whom” is one of the oldest and most persistent grammar dilemmas in the English language. Even many fluent speakers and writers get it wrong! While “whom” is fading from common usage, understanding the distinction is essential for formal writing, professional communication, and demonstrating a sophisticated command of English grammar.

The rule for when to use “who” vs. “whom” is simple, yet powerful: it all comes down to the pronoun’s grammatical role in the sentence—is it acting or is it being acted upon?

Think of it this way: “Who” is the heroic subject doing the action, and “whom” is the passive object receiving the action.

---

1. The Core Rule: Subject vs. Object

To correctly determine whether to use “who” or “whom,” you must identify the function of the word in the clause:

A. Use “Who” for the Subject (The Doer)

“Who” acts as the subject of a verb. It is the person performing the action. It functions like the pronouns he, she, we, or they.

Role	WHO	Equivalent Pronoun
Subject	Who called the manager?	He called the manager.
Subject	Who is responsible for this?	She is responsible for this.

Export to Sheets

B. Use “Whom” for the Object (The Receiver)

“Whom” acts as the object of a verb or a preposition. It is the person receiving the action. It functions like the pronouns him, her, us, or them.

Role	WHOM	Equivalent Pronoun
Object of Verb	Whom did the manager call?	The manager called him.
Object of Preposition	To whom should I send the email?	Send the email to them.

Export to Sheets

---

2. The Simple Substitution Test (The Secret Trick! 🤫)

Because many people struggle to identify grammatical subjects and objects, there is an easy trick: try replacing the who/whom with the equivalent personal pronouns.

Step 1: Turn the Question into a Statement

Take the question you are trying to write and mentally rephrase it as a simple statement.

Step 2: Test the Subject Pronoun vs. the Object Pronoun

Substitute the correct personal pronouns:

• If He/She/They works, use WHO.
• If Him/Her/Them works, use WHOM.

Original Question	Mental Statement	Substitution Check	Verdict
(?) is coming to the party?	He/Him is coming to the party.	He is coming.	Use WHO
(?) did you invite?	You invited he/him.	You invited him.	Use WHOM
To (?) did you give the gift?	You gave the gift to they/them.	You gave the gift to them.	Use WHOM

Export to Sheets

Remember: The M in whom and him (and them) can be your simple shortcut!

---

3. The Prepositional Clue

One of the strongest indicators that you need to use “whom” is the presence of a preposition. A preposition always requires an object. Since “whom” is the object form, it must follow any preposition that refers to a person.

Prepositional Phrase	Correct Usage
to…	To whom did you address the letter?
from…	From whom did you receive this package?
with…	With whom are you planning to travel?
for…	For whom was this award created?

Export to Sheets

In formal writing, the preposition usually precedes “whom.” In casual speech, we often separate them, but the object form remains grammatically correct:

• Casual: Who are you going with?
• Formal: With whom are you going?

---

4. The Modern Reality: When to Ignore “Whom”

Despite the clear grammatical rules for who vs. whom, the usage is rapidly declining, especially in spoken and digital communication.

In Spoken English: Always Use “Who”

In nearly all casual conversation, interviews, and informal settings, using “whom” can sound overly stiff, affected, or even pretentious. Most people simply use “who” in all contexts.

• Casual: Who should I send this to? (Grammatically incorrect, but universally accepted.)
• Formal: To whom should I send this? (Grammatically correct.)

The Rule for SEO and Professional Writing

When writing professional documents, academic papers, legal correspondence, or journalistic articles, it is best to adhere to the traditional rules to maintain an authoritative tone and ensure grammatical precision.

• When to prioritize WHO: Headings, titles, social media posts, and dialogue (where a relaxed tone is needed).
• When to prioritize WHOM: Formal reports, legal documents, and academic essays (where formal English language usage is required).

Mastering the difference between who and whom is not just an exercise in pedantry; it’s a tool that allows you to choose your tone, ensuring you speak and write with clarity, confidence, and contextually appropriate formality.